"Woodism is a religion created in 1996 by Reverend Steve Galindo as a way to worship late director Ed Wood as a religious entity. At first it was a joke but a year after its creation it made a transition from joke to serious modern American religion. There are many out there that have many questions regarding Woodism and its beliefs. What follows is Wood Kamph, a list, point-by-point, of what we Woodites believe in. Enjoy!"
LATIN for "We Praise You, Oh Wood!"
First off, get it all out of the way, yes, this is serious, and yes, I am not joking. I worship Ed Wood. He is a savior, not THE savior, but a savior, a savior of strength and positivity and creativity and an entity that gives me strength. So when Jesus Christ ressurects himself and decides to make a movie, then you Christians and Catholics can resume throwing your stones, ok?
Everyone on this planet is here with a purpose, a point, and a meaning. Our society likes to focus their lives primarily on Jesus Christ, his meaning, and what he meant to our society. Although we mean no disrespect to the son of God, we focus on the life of late director Ed Wood, his purpose, and his meaning to us all. In this light, Ed Wood is our savior. We do not neccessarily believe that he is THE savior - merely that he is our savior. We are using Ed Wood, the image, a pop culture entity, to give us happiness and strength, and we are here to watch his holy films.
In the interests of free speech, we also hope that those who do not believe in Woodism at least respect that WE believe in Woodism. Yes, we do believe this. yes, this is serious. We ask not that you believe what we believe. We only ask that you respect that which we believe.
Ed Wood was a rebel who not only fought against society just by being himself but also welcomed into his arms the outcasts of society - the poor, the crazy, the freaks, the drag queens, the addicts - and he never lost his pride in who he was. As such, this church stands as a testament to all those things that made Ed great. First off, just like Ed was proud to be an alcaholic transvestite, we, Ed's most blessed followers, must also be proud of who we are, no matter what we are. And also, much like Ed, we welcome all types into our flock, be you gay, black, asian, pierced, tattooed, or anything under and over the rainbow. We welcome you as Ed welcomed all.
Ed Wood was sent to preach to the people of the world how they can achieve spiritual opulence. Ed struggles during his time on this earth to preach his messages to us through his films, however, much like the humans in Ed's film "Plan 9 from Outer Space," we would not accept the truth that Ed gave to us. We humans dismissed his films as being nothing but bad flops, thereby becoming the accusatory stone throwers that eventually destroyed Ed. But now, through his vision and through his message, his films, we can redeem ourselves. Ed Wood's films are his messages of love and peace to us and are much much more than silly flops. They are works of divine art from a man who suffered and eventually died with nothing more but a dream of telling stories to his people.
Modern mainstream religions are frightened of the strange, the odd, the bizarre rejects of society that do not conform to man's bland, cookie-cutter standards. To prove this, dye your hair green and get your nose pierced and walk into a Catholic church on a sunday and see how long you last. The silent stares of strangers like daggers in the heart. The lonely, heavy feeling of rejection. This church was created so that those people otherwise shunned from Catholicism, from Christianity, from Mormonism and the others, can find a place to create spiritually uplifting ideals with a basic basis in pop culture without feeling rejected. Like Ed had his stock actors, his "Wood Spooks," we Woodites are a family, all one, all strong, and together we can overcome any obstacle like Ed tried to do and, eventually, did.
Ed Wood's films are a vivifying religious energy given to us to teach us how to live our lives. Hidden in his films are messages to us all. To the untrained eye of a philistine Ed Wood hater, his films appear to be nothing more than silly, cheap flops. However, when you accept Ed Wood as your savior, your mind becomes open to the strong political, social, spiritual, religious, and personal messages hidden in his scripts, his films, and his words. In Ed's films there are anti-nuclear experimentation messages, subversive political messages, pro-transvestism messages, anti-goverment messages, and many other teachings that can help you better your life that one overlooks because they are too busy childishly pointing out the bad sets and the bad acting. Ed Wood was a smart, clever man who USED Hollywood to preach his messages of truth and light. If you open your mind up to him, you will see the messages that he has given to us all to make our lives better.
Ed Wood was a harbinger of subversive independant soul searching. Ed Wood did not let other bodies of power tell him what he should and shouldn't think or what he should and shouldn't do. He set the rules for his own life and in this sense he achieved a convivial soul. Hell, he was a drunk transvestite horror filmmaker. But, and this is what we all must realize, he was proud of who he was, no matter how different he might have seemed, and like him we must be proud of who we are. We must all of us to kneel down and accept Ed Wood for only then can we achieve the freedom, the strength, and the spiritual opulence that Ed Wood had in his life. If any of us want to see the truth of existance, then we must all embrace Ed Wood's teachings.
Ed Wood's films weren't great. Hell, we know that. But making films is what he wanted to do all his life. And he did it, regardless of the obstacles or the adversities he faced. Much like Jesus, Ed Wood died for his art, for his films, died for his messages of cinema for us. And in his memory, we must be driven to do what we want to do, what is in our own souls, regardless of what might face us on that long, lonely road.
We will not let any other person, group of people, religion, or foriegn body dictate FOR US what we should believe in or deem immoral. Like Ed, WE will decide what is moral and what is evil. We will do what we want to do, speak our mind, and not fear being ourselves. As such, we will fight for our righ to believe in this manner.
In the early fifties, Ed Wood and his live-in girlfriend Dolores Fuller decided to have a Christmas Card made for the hollidays which showed Ed Wood dressed as Jesus Christ, his arms lovingly extened to the holder of the card, with the words "LO, I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS!" printed in bold, friendly letters to the picture's left side. This picture now stands as chilling and yet comforting proof of Ed Wood's mystical integrity and his sacrifice for us all.
Judeo-Christian ethics have permeated beyond the walls of religion and now are binding, injuring and effecting even those who do not believe in Christianity or Catholicism. Social beliefs regarding homosexuality, drinking, food, sex, and many others are now being shaped on a mass scare by the social laws of Christianity. This is wrong, how the beliefs of a certain type of people are slowly becoming the forced beliefs of the rest of the people. Through Woodism, we hope to make everyone free to believe what they would like to believe in while under the umbrella of ed Wood's teachings and guidance.
Sins are more personal, more of an inner feeling rather than some fictional set of ten rules that people aren't supposed to do otherwise our angry God will give us all a spanking. To Woodites, a sin is something that you do that hurts yourself or others. There is no list handed down from above and there is no God that is loving and vengeful at the same time. Sins exist inside yourself. Therefore, as an example, if you're smoking pot and you're okay with it, then you're not sinning. Sins cannot be listed. Sins are an inner feeling and, for the most part, don't exist.
We live in a time when the fiction we read and hear and see is more near to our perfect deal of sanity, whereas the reality which we all face day in and day out is a daily pit of unimaginable insanity, worse than our worse nightmares. The world we live in and the things we hold dear to our hearts are crumbling to pieces all around us. These are bleak times we live in and it seems that the closer we get to the next new year, the more frightening our existances become. What can we as a people turn to nowadays for comfort and peace when the world we live in and the things we hold dear are being destroyed? Our only hope for any sort of understanding is to try and gain sanity by embracing insanity, believing in the unbelievable, put all your hopes and faith in that which has no faith in itself. Only by being crazy can we be free of our demons. Only by being wild can we be righteous. Only by setting our inhibitions free and worshiping Ed Wood can we hope to obtain peace in these hectic times.
RETURN TO WOODISM